catvincent: Ellen Page is the Winona Ryder of our generation.
malabar: It's not our generation.
me: No dear, Winona Ryder was the Winona Ryder of our generation.
1 Comment | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
Portrait of the 21st Century British Male
Group of men walking towards me, all in suits, clearly just finished work. I'd say they were in their late 20-s - early 30's.
Man 1: Yeah, I did Jamie Oliver's roast potatoes...
Man 2: Wow
Man 1: ...they were absolutely bloody fantastic.
Man 2: Did you use goose fat?
Rest of group nod sagely.
4 Comments | Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
 |
|
Dear Subconscious,
If you must put Robert De Niro in my dreams as an eccentric cop with a penchant for wearing smeary make-up and playing with condoms at crime scenes, do you have to have him butt-fucking his captain in another scene?
And if it was necessary to the plot for him to butt-fuck his captain in a frankly anatomically suspect position that would have given the illustrators of the Kama Sutra pause for thought, why on earth were they both still wearing their trousers?
Why so shy, Subconscious? Are you merely trying to spare me the trauma of seeing Robert De Niro's wrinkly old cock slamming into some guy's asshole? I appreciate the thought but believe me, seeing him lounging on the bed in the smeary make-up and looking a whole lot like a clown already traumatised me and I can't imagine that the anal sex would have been any worse. In fact, I was so baffled by this scene of trousered trouser-snaking that I tried to rewind the dream just to check.
Also, WTF was with the two life-size plastic garden gnomes that suddenly appeared in my garden at the end of the dream? Are you on bad drugs?
Remember, no one is indispensable!
Please try harder in future, thank you.
Yours Sincerely
The Management
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
|
It's been a while since I've done a Spam Of The Day but this couldn't be ignored. Over the last 24 hours, I've had 23 of these almost identical spams: they have just one 'word' of text followed by a website address, which I'm obviously not going to replicate here. Just one or two of them would have been pretty funny, after 23 sent in quick succession, I was decking myself.
Man-sizedFuckstickEloy - Fuckstick just doesn't sound sexy, it sounds like a swearword.
PhallusEnlargedVonda - great, now I'm thinking of the deformed penises I saw in a medical museum.
MonumentalErectileorganTammie - the word erectile is never sexy unless you're into that whole medical play thing.
DannieBouffantPenis - I don't think the word 'bouffant' needs any further comment really.
JessPhallusGreatest
PenisGreatestLinda - now, now ladies, you can't both have the greatest phallic organ
AmadoFuckstickMonster
SamHumongousBodypart - one of the lesser known hobbits.
BodypartExtensiveReva - well known for their custom work on monster trucks
LarryDickTitanic - can I make a 'went down on the Titanic' joke here? No, I didn't think so...
PenisImmenseTraci
ScottiePhallusGreatest - we'll have no Star Trek slash here, thank you.
RebaPhallusOversize
SherrieMonumentalFuckstick
SabrinaWideFuckstick
ErectileorganBulkyOctavio - this one just seems like overkill (as a pose to all those other restrained ones!)
PhallusGiantShelia
CockElephantinAntoinette - elephant cocks is a whole 'nother ball game
OversizeCockVirginia
ColossalCockJanna
JavierErectileorganBigger
ArchieKing-sizeBodypart
GusPhallusWide-ranging - er, wide-ranging? WTF? Does it have a territory? Is it known for it's annual migratory habits?
I think they've taken that porn star name meme thing and gotten it a little confuddled.
Oh great, I've just noticed that the headers on the emails are done in the same style but with different words so there's double the fun.
AlisaPhallusPuffy - the word puffy next to the word phallus is never good. Gentlemen, if it's puffy, I recommend a visit to your physician.
JonDickCapacious - surely it's the ladies who are capacious on porn sites?
CorinneRangyPhallus - unfortunately, the word rangy just makes me think of coyotes.
RubenErectileorganWide - well yes, I suppose it would be wide if it's a Ruben
WideErectileorganDuncan
TeddyErectileorganOutsized
WadeObviousFuckstick
MountainousCockHaley
AnthonyGreatestBodypart
CockVastAriel
BrookeDickOverlarge - for some reason this made me think of Brookeback Mountain.
MonsterPenisJack
DarrenBodypartHumongous
BiggerErectileorganHank - I'm sorry, I just can't read the words 'erectile organ' without my brain completing the sentence with the word 'disfunction'. I suspect this is not the response intended.
PuffyPhallusMildred - I don't know about you but that combination of words certainly got me hot!
DickMonstrousVance
PhallusColossalGeoffrey - Geoffrey? Who the hell picked these names?
LenoraPhallusProdigious
ShlongBiggishEstelle - everyone else is colossal, monstrous and vast but poor old Estelle is merely 'biggish'
GracielaEnormousDick
HesterConspicuousDick
ShlongProminentMarlin - isn't that just a big fish?
ObviousPhallusShelby - if Shelby has an obvious phallus, she's obviously using too big a carrot.
In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya; "you keep using that word but I do not think it means what you think it means".
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
This is hysterical - Hello Kitty Hell is a funny blog apparently written (I'm not entirely convinced that it's not a spoof) by a guy with a fanatical wife who keeps buying yet more Hello Kitty stuff. You've absolutely got to read the comments on this post where he tells the 'Hello Kitty Whiners' to stop pestering him about where to get stuff and they respond with accusations of selfishness and death threats! Death threats! From Hello Kitty fans. Excuse me, my brain just melted and ran out of my ears...
OMG, I just found the Hello Kitty Corset post and just exploded into laughter. Let's just run that past our poor overstretched brains again, shall we - Hello Kitty corsetry. Yep, still mind-blowing.
Even if this is a spoof, it's very well done and has had me giggling for ages. If it's real then why he hasn't divorced his wife already is completely beyond me!
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
Health and Safety - You're Doing It Wrong!
Is it just me, or are these Darwin Awards just waiting to happen?
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
As heard on Lime & Violet: Robert Lund's 99 Words For Boobs. This made me laugh a lot because yes, I'm just that childish and immature.
The tune will be familiar to anyone who grew up in the 80's. Great now I'm thinking about lots of tits floating away on strings...
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
| 2007-05-10 20:32 |
| Ride em, cowgirl |
| Public |
 amused |
| dreams, humour |
|
DREAM 10.5.07:
I was at some kind of rodeo or agricultural fair where all the people were inside the ring and the cows were in the audience. The people were being herded around the ring in teams, jumping small obstacles and running around fences. Most of the cows were watching appreciatively, apart from a group of young cows at the front who were all playing large screened computer games instead while their teacher gave them a row for not paying attention.
……
My brain is a very strange place indeed.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
"My sons were greatly disturbed by viewing this material and this matter has caused many sleepless nights in our house,"
Yep that'll happen when teenage boys 'accidentally' happen upon lesbian sex manuals in the local library.
The comments on this story are funny too, surprising positive with very little homophobia apart from the odd one or two, who are generally espousing versions of the loathsome 'won't someone please think of the children' argument or the 'it's sinful and bad and evil and wrong' argument.
Here's hoping that the library puts the book back on its shelves soon.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
|
I've been collecting these on my desktop for a couple of weeks so it's time for a link roundup (because I'd like to be able to see my computer screen again!):
Rockport Publishers/Quarry Books are seeking project contributors for an upcoming book tentatively titled 1,000 Artist Journal Pages. The book will feature pages of artists journals created by all kinds of artists.
I liked Mia Friedrich's photographs of dead insects and decaying leaves.
Jade Pegler makes little sculptures from paper, horse hair and bits of thread. Lovely stuff.
Heidi Cregge works in design and textiles, I especially like her little cocoon forms.
Textiles combined with ceramics.
Anna Reitberger documents her residency in Northern Ireland school as part of a larger art project about the linen industry in Ireland - lots of lovely linen thread.
A bioluminescent squid - what's not to like?
Finally, the piece de resistance - huggable urns. Yep, when your beloved dies, you can choose to have their ashes encased in a soft, huggable teddy bear.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
| 2007-02-14 03:04 |
| No, I won't dress up as Wonder Woman, dear. |
| Public |
 hungry |
| Why Old Men Cry - Dick Gaughan |
| humour |
|
Sex advice from comic store clerks.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
| 2007-02-12 23:32 |
| So you just open it like this? |
| Public |
| amused |
| humour |
|
A little Danish sketch about someone having problems with some new technology.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
| 2007-02-10 03:03 |
| funny link |
| Public |
| amused |
| Sherry Darling - Bruce Springsteen |
| humour |
|
Superfoods for the pessimist - favourite line: "you will still rot in the nursing home, but more slowly and at greater cost to your kids." Snort.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
| 2007-02-10 00:52 |
| And I haven't even started on the muppets yet |
| Public |
| amused |
| Pandora's Aquarium - Tori Amos |
| humour, tv |
|
Don't start watching Sesame Street videos on YouTube, you can lose a lot of time that way. This is my favourite so far - "Shake off the crumbs, gotta have a clean cake". No wait, now this one is my favourite. Or maybe this one. Ah, who am I kidding, I just like Sesame Street.
Cookie learns an important lesson - don't eat the art! I must remember this.
The Count writes letters to himself too - but does he do drawings on the back?
We sometimes sing bits of Healthy Food, C is for Cookie and Captain Vegetable round here. And we regularly count like The Count. despite no longer having a small child as an excuse (the teenager just rolls his eyes at us). We are sad geeks!
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
| 2007-02-03 02:48 |
| All fecund in it's nuttiness |
| Public |
| amused |
| humour |
|
Oh, this is spot on - Joyce and Beckett play golf.
Post A Comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Link
|
|
|
|
|
cold
restless
ditzy![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}